Playing It Cool

I’m only writing because I have the nearly uncontrollable urge to call J.  It’s because I’m at Starbucks working on my thesis and we used to do work together here, and this is the first time I’ve been here since last spring, with him.  I want to get a mocha, his drink.  I want to tell him I miss him.  Now they’re playing the Donnie Darko soundtrack and it isn’t helping.  He loves that stupid movie.

We talked for an hour today.  He’d been trying to get a hold of me for a couple days but I was always in class or something.  I didn’t call back; I played it cool.  He told me he misses me.  I said it was good to hear him.  He didn’t say anything about his mistress.  I don’t know what to think.  I was almost ready to move on and forget everything.

But I’m not gonna do it.  I’m doing so good.  It’s like a diet: I’m doing so good and I’m not gonna fuck up.  I’m not gonna call or text or email.  I’m cool…. I’m playin’ it cool…